


Kix Is The Expert

by Of_Princes_and_Savages



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Clone Wars, Clones, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Jesse and Fives are not, Kix is mature, Mentions of Sex, Pre-Umbara, i guess?, what is pregnant? Asked the clone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 11:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15605331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Princes_and_Savages/pseuds/Of_Princes_and_Savages
Summary: The 501st's medic can answer a lot of questions about things they didn't teach on Kamino, this being one.





	Kix Is The Expert

**Author's Note:**

> Please note they're talking about sex but there's nothing graphic in here whatsoever. Like literally, we don't even get into naming bits.

When Commander Tano was assigned to the 501st, Kix had thought it was only right he should educate himself on the physiology of a Togrutan so he could anticipate anything that might come up. (Allergic reactions to certain medications, how to treat montrals for damage, that sort of thing.) In the 501st, they did a _lot_ of crazy stuff, so he tried to be up-to-date with his techniques and as inventive as possible in the field for everyone.

Including their _female_ commander.

That Commander Tano was the only girl Kix had ever had to treat didn't matter to his brothers. There just weren't a lot of those on Kamino, (Master Ti wasn't a _girl_ , she was a _Jedi_ , and Kix had been shipped out before she'd been assigned there anyway,) and any brother who had any dealings with a female of any species was considered an authority on the subject. Or certain aspects of the subject.

For example, some were really good at talking to women. Others knew how to explain that _they_ really weren't too different from _us_ , don't worry so much. Some were well-informed about what to do if you did manage to pick up a girl at 79's. And Kix was a medic.

Kamino health class could be boiled down to "wash down there thoroughly and no blaster-polishing, it's bad", which didn't answer a lot of questions. Which meant Kix then had to answer them, as the medic, which meant he had to look up a bunch of stuff on the holonet and some of it he couldn't unsee.

Still, it was a small price to pay if it meant he didn't have to keep treating infections in weird places.

Word always got around that the medic could answer questions shinies had. Kix could tell that this shiny, so new to the 501st he hadn't learned if he had a name yet, wanted to ask _something_. He was getting pretty good at seeing the signs of a brother with an awkward question in mind; The fidgety hands, the difficulty making eye contact, the stammering, the slight reddening of the face not caused by imbibing too much alcohol for the first time.

This shiny stood out very obviously because, in addition to all of that when he took a seat at the table Jesse and Kix were sharing in 79's, he also had to have the longest hair out of any brother they had ever seen. It was tied up in a neat knot on top of his head of course, fulfulling the regulation of "hair must be above the ears in length" but it was impressive. He must have been growing his hair out since he was still a cadet. How had the longnecks let him get away with that?

"Um, so...so I was wondering if you could, um, explain something?" The shiny stuttered, playing with the barely-touched glass in his hand. "Um...what's pregnant?"

Oh.

That question wasn't very common. Back on Kamino before he was assigned to a field position, Kix had taken a few lessons in case he was assigned to a hospital or the medbay right there on the planet, and had seen how newborn brothers were decanted from their growth tanks. That's what _he_ thought of when someone said birth, even though he knew it was different. Most clones rarely saw children, anyone to have seen a baby got grilled on what it was like. Kix wasn't sure he'd ever seen a pregnant person before...

While he was thrown by this surprise question, Jesse, being Jesse, held his hands out to imitate a fat tummy. "That's when somebody's incubating a baby."

The shiny's eyes got huge. "People make their own clones, just like that?"

Kix shook his head, trying to get his thoughts in order. "Not exactly. Ah, in mammalian species, a female comes together with a male and they sort of...combine genetic material, to create a fertilized cell. That sort of progressed the same as a growth tank, only since humans aren't growth tanks they sort of, um, stretch to accomodate the baby."

"Accomodate who?" Fives dropped down with a squat glass of something purple with a twirly bit of garnish. He liked sweet-tasting concotions, a splash of alcoholic something-or-other mixed into a liquid with a high sugar content, juice or syrup or the like. He claimed beer tasted like bantha urine whenever another trooper tried to poke fun at him for it.

(Ironic, though, since three of those purple things usually knocked Fives on his ass faster than Jesse drinking an entire pitcher of beer by himself...Kix had to carry them both and give them a pill for their respective hangovers in the past, he knew this from a medical perspective.)

"The shiny here wants to know what pregnant is." Jesse nodded his head towards the brother in question, who, his face turning red, looked down to his own drink with embarrassment.

"I mean...sorta. I just really wanted to know where other babies came from. My batchers heard they hatch from eggs."

"That's not untrue, I mean," Fives nodded, picking off the twirly garnish and flicking it across the table at Jesse. It was some kind of fruit peel, Kix thought. "I think some hatch from eggs, but not humans. Eggs I kinda get 'cause it's not that different from being decanted, you just break out the tank instead. But what do humans do? Do they cut the kid out when it's born the 'normal' way?"

"I think they _can_ do that," Kix nodded. "Sometimes it's the safest way to do it. But the truly natural way is, um..."

"What?" Jesse asked, picking up the peel and eyeing it like a snack. (Jesse could eat anything, and had trying to prove it sent him to the med bay with food poisoning at least twice now, why was Kix friends with him again? Oh right, it was kinda funny.) "Where's it come out?"

Kix took a deep breath. "You ever made it with a girl? All the way, I mean?"

"Yes." Fives answered immediately. He had slept with, like three or four people, which for a clone was impressive. The shiny's eyes were certainly wide.

"Well, em, sex is where naturally born babies are created, initially..." Kix explained slowly.

Too slowly. The wide-eyed shiny turned to Fives. "Have you ever been pregnant?"

Fives' mouth dropped open and Jesse started choking on the twirly fruit peel he'd chosen to swallow at that exact moment. He thumped on his chest and laughed, wheezing so hard that Kix was starting to get just a little concerned. He'd hate for Captain Rex to have to fill out **CT-5597 died laughing at ARC-5555's affronted face** on a report.

"No, no," Kix put a hand on the shiny's shoulder. "Ah, we clones don't have the right organs for that. And anyway, clones aren't typically engineered to make someone pregnant to start with, so you don't have to worry about any little nieces or nephews Fives could have irresponsibly made."

"Kix!" Fives was fast turning the same shade as the Coruscant guard.

"Well he's right!" Jesse cleared his throat, at last, a broad grin across his tattooed face. "You were the one to come in with that rash, weren't you? Didn't anyone tell you to wear a rubber?"

"A rubber what?" The shiny asked.

"That was an honest mistake, it's not like they taught us anything about that on Kamino!"

"They taught us basic hygiene though, I remember you got another rash on that swamp planet, what was the name of it again, Kix?"

"Leave me out-"

"Hey!" Fives jabbed a finger at Jesse. "You got that rash too, you were just better at hiding it than I was! And you wanna talk hygiene, ha! Your bunk always smells like a bantha pen!"

"How do you know what my bunk smells like?"

"Like I said, the whole 501st knows what it smells like because it _reeks like a bantha pen_!"

The shiny turned to Kix, his eyes confused. "What are they talking about now?"

Kix shook his head, looping an arm around their younger brother's shoulders. "I don't even know anymore. C'mon trooper, let's leave them to it and find another table. You have anymore questions for me, just ask."

"Um, just one question left I guess...how does the baby get out?"

**Author's Note:**

> With pain, Tup. With lots of pain.
> 
> FYI, but I literally have no timeline for this, really, it's just clone shenanigans. Also, this is my first TCW fic so feedback about how I wrote the boys of the 501st would be appreciated. :)


End file.
